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Hey guys! Make sure you follow my blog with Bloglovin if you have an account in there! It’ll update you whenever I publish a new post! I’m also on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest and Tumblr. (I know. I’m a Digital Extrovert, remember? This blog is  a proof that I have real life friends and stuff too… sometimes…) You can check my page: Finding Twila for the list of all my extroversion sites. Let’s be friends*!

 

 

*In a non creepy, digital way

Thought Track: The Truth So Far

Here’s the truth from where I stand…

I’m sleepy, I’m tired– I’m exhausted beyond belief. I’m running on high dosages of caffeine and sugar and empathy. My smiles are plagued with fear and relief and satisfaction and anxiety. But mainly I’m just super tired.

My Day So Far | Twila Bergania

(Translation: You came home to lay down for an hour, shower, change clothes, and brush your teeth, so you can go to work again. Haha!)

I’m seriously lacking on sleep these days, and it’s not healthy for someone who’s about to transition to a hectic, super stressful, workweek schedule. My eyes are about to fall out from its sockets and I feel like every single cell of my body is yearning for a bed. It’s 30 minutes past the end of my shift and I should be on my way home now. I should be resting for a full day ahead tomorrow. I should be in a bus or a van thinking about my life and how it has turned out so far.

Becuase so far, it’s been really good. But so far, it’s been really, really tiring as well. It’s emotionally, physically, mentally challenging. I just want to go home…

This Is Me | Twila B

Trying so hard…

Maybe I would.

But before I do, here’s the truth… Tomorrow I’m facing a brand new chapter in my career book.

 

Some call it job switching.

I call it chasing after my dream…

 

But for now, it’s closing time!

Thought Track: Where The Heck Have I Been?

Actually, the right question is: Where have I not been?

And in case you’re wondering, here’s where I have not been these past month:

  1. On WordPress uploading random stuff once a week as I promised (#SorryKinda)
  2. Outside, having fun with my friends
  3. At Starbucks, drinking coffee (because my UTI and acid reflux won’t allow me to have a decent cup of happiness)
  4. Any place interesting, or worth blogging about
  5. Any time and place I’m actually, mentally supposed to be

My Mental State ATM | TwilaB

My Mental State ATM…

I made this blog post on a Friday night and to be honest, everyone around me are checking out, mentally, for the weekend. Me, on the other hand, I have been on a ‘mentally checked out’ status for over a month now. I didn’t even think it’s possible, but so far I’ve been physically present everywhere and mentally ghosting all these days without anyone noticing it– probably. (If you have noticed my mental absenteeism, please let me know.)

So where was I these past few weeks?

  • In my past – I’ve been talking to my 13-year-old self. Remember my last blog? (Yeah, the one about Pharell’s song?) I needed to take a breather and ask myself what my younger, more carefree, innocent self would say. I wanted to know what she would think of me and what I have become 10 years after. Am I what she desired– what she dreamt to be? Is the life I’m living now worthy of her endless daydreaming hours? If she were to answer the same questions I have been asked, what would she say?

Are You Happy? | TwilaB | via Flipping Social

I know this would sound really, really silly, even naive, on paper, but I’d like to be the kind of person I’ve always been. I’ve always been an optimistic person, even as a gradeschooler. I want to be that person. I still am that person, even after everything. I have always been a bookworm. As a kid, I would run to the library before recess ends to borrow a new Nancy Drew book or a new Berenstein Bears picture book so I have something new to read at home (and that’s exactly how I gained the scar on my right forehead, long story). I loved Harry Potter as an adolescent and I will always do. 

Harry Potter Relics | TwilaB

But that doesn’t mean I’ll be the same person who let the bullies take over for a year. It doesn’t mean I’ll still be the person who haphazardly says things that might hurt the people I care for or even do things without a purpose. I also, apparently, am not the same kind of person who does life decisions in a snap of a finger. I’m also better at relationships now, all kind of ‘em. In short, I just really want to be a better, if not the best, version of the person I was before. If I had a time machine or a TARDIS or a landline that can connect to my past self, I would probably take my chances. I wouldn’t tell her anything she wouldn’t have known at that point. I will however ask her what would make her the most happy, or what really matters to her, or what, in her heart of hearts, does she want to be in the future– what she wants me to become… 

  • On Tumblr – I’m an escapist, in that I’m almost 97% sure. That’s why I have three Tumblr accounts. I’m a neat freak and an escapist and the perfect place to be THAT, while being creative is Tumblr. I have one account for my fangirling activities. I have another one for fashion and fiction. I have another one for random animals and, most recently, anything and everything I find mundanely interesting. I like being there, especially during down times. It’s refereshing, it makes me wangt to be more creative, it energizes me, and opens me to many silly, sometimes deep, emotions. It allows me to look beyond what’s happening in my life. Most of all, it allows me to get lost. Just. Plain. Lost. 

Me On Tumblr | Twila B

Literally my life…

I think what I love most out of Tumblr is the fact that it’s filled with people whose only goal in that place is to get lost as well. It’s like we’re in a stoner club of some sort. Most of the time you get to talk to people with the same interest, same passions, same identities. You get to be with people who knew exactly what you need, a simple validation of existence… A simple like, a simple Hi, a simple encouragement, a little life… And yeah, it’s a bit of my time wasted, but it’s time worth wasting anyway.

  • In fanfiction land – People probably alreayd know that I love writing fan fiction, just like Cather from the book fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I related so well with that book, it resounded in my head days after reading it. What’s weird is that because of it, I finally decided to move along and continue writing. I actually stopped writing for half a year because of some… well, weird stuff (a.k.a. depression and insecurity). I couldn’t bring myself to write about anything or continue with all the loose ends I’ve left. I just couldn’t bring myself to be THAT creative.

You’d think writing fan fiction is easy because all you really do is ‘plagiarize’ someone else’s work by making stories about stories that other people already created for you. Rainbow Rowell explained it better than everybody else. Fan fiction writing is a lot like finding tiny loop holes and loose ends in a story, a series, a trilogy, a photo, a video, a song, that might make way for better happy endings. It’s like the spaces authors, creatives, artists, leave you to fill up after reading, seeing, listening, watching. It’s art in it’s own self. Yes, it’s based on something somebody else created, but that doesn’t mean it’s a lesser form of art, not when it creates bigger emotions, better perspectives, for other people who knows exactly what you’re talking about. What I love most about fan fiction is that you get to bond with people who are in the same clique as you are, who loves the things you love, and is probably also as crazy as you in so many ways,

Here’s a better way to explain that:

An Actual Excerpt From My Tumblr Fan Mail | TwilaB

This is an actual excerpt from my Tumblr fan mail (it’s literally called a fan mail)…

  • In the land of deep desires – I can say a million things about this but the truth is, I can’t. I can’t find the words to describe it, or the photos. But all I know is that I’ve been missing in my head this past few months because I’m looking for somethign that’s gone missing along the way. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know where it is. But somehow, I feel like it’s coming to me soon. It’ll be there soon. Until then, I’ll describe my current mental state through the words of my current favorite author.

Real life was something happening in her peripheral vision.

- Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

Thought Track: To Be Happy

I wanted to write about travelling to Vigan today but I can’t seem to bring myself to finish that. There’s something at the back of my mind that I can’t shrug off or forget so I’ll take the time to just take it out in here and possibly forget about it– at least for now.

Am I happy?

Are you happy?

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Interesting Lists According to John Green

If you have been following me for some time now (here or on my many, many social media accounts) that John Green is on my list of BESTEST WRITERS WHO EVER EXISTED. I once had the opportunity to interview him for an article for TubeFilter (although it too please in the realms of an email BUT STILL…). I liked the guy so much, I recently watched a string of interviews hosted by three of my favorite writers.

Well, technically, Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart and Mamrie Hart aren’t really writers. I mean they have all written their own books (except for Mamrie Hart as she is in the process of writing it) but they’re mainly YouTubers and comedians. But I digress. I watched three interviews and weirdly, I found out that John Green, among other things, likes listing things so much, he does lists in real life conversations. Here are lists from these friendly conversations that will shed light to John Green’s super amazing personality and interests, among others (I am liking this phrase, among others, at the moment and I don’t know why).

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